The Battle of Waterloo

The Battle of Waterloo

Billy Joel’s “Movin’ Out” keeps running through my head today. It began with my morning micturation. I looked down into my toilet bowl, and a fly circled by in that dark hollow. Flies, you know, have those two large compound eyes. They can process visual information about seven times faster than I, which means mini Jeff Goldblum had a tremendous advantage over me, even with my tall vantage point and thunderous thighs. Wellington at the battle of Waterloo used his Royal Horse Artillery to “plug up holes in his line . . . Major Bull’s troop was brought forward in support from its original position towards the rear of the allied position.” Cannons served that army well. My unbridled hair had yet been tamed into its Zoom-Room-ponytail. But, I too brought my artillery from its original position towards my rear, up front. I jammed the wadded TP into reverse (which any OB-GYN will tell you constitutes a risky tactical maneuver) and...
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Honor Your Mayfly

Did you know that some species of the Mayfly only have a lifespan of half an hour. Luckier varieties live for up to a full day or two. Evidently, kinder Mayflies have not mastered the art of honoring their parental ones. Honor your father and mother, that your days may be long upon the land which the lord your God is giving you. It comes with an implied threat. Honor your parents or you may not live long enough to regret it. Adultery, false witness, stealing? Those are just straight forward “thou shalt nots.” Punto final. But dishonor your parents and your days on this earth are numbered. And, if we can take God, by metaphor and extension, as the ultimate of parents, our Father if you will, then the same holds true of the other commandments that relate to honoring God as well. There’s an implicit or not so implicit threat for each one: You can’t have any other Gods and if you do,...
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